Conan the Barbarian
Conan the Barbarian (1982)
Director: John Milius
Writers: Robert E. Howard (based on the character created by) John Milius, Oliver Stone
Cast: Arnold Schwarzenegger, James Earl Jones, Max von Sydow, Sandahl Bergman, Ben Davidson, Cassandra Gava, Gerry Lopez, Mako, Valérie Quennessen, William Smith
Synopsis:
After witnessing his parents' death at the hand of Thulsa Doom (Jones) and his snake cult, a young Conan the Cimmerian (Schwarzenegger) is sold into slavery and sent to be broken on the wheel of pain. After years of fighting in gladiatorial pits, Conan earns his freedom and sets out to gain vengeance against Doom. Along the way, he joins with Subotai (Lopez) and Valeria (Bergman), and together they steal a jewel from the cult bringing them to King Osric's attention. The king hires them to travel to the Mountain of Power and the temple of Set to rescue his daughter, who has been taken in by the evil cult.
First Impressions:
I was six years old when this movie hit theaters, so I obviously missed it on release and didn't catch it till much later in life. Growing up a fan of the fantasy genre, the character of Conan has always appealed to me. There is a rawness of the character and his stories that were unlike other popular fantasy series of the day, such s Lord of the Rings, the Forgotten Realms and Dragonlance, and as a teenager, this appealed to me. Consequently, my friends and I rented this movie on a lazy Sunday afternoon and on initial viewing, I liked it well enough. Of course, at that point in my life, I wasn't terribly familiar with the character or the world created by Robert E. Howard, as I hadn't read the books or comics. Nowadays, though, I'm much more familiar with Howard's universe as I'm an avid reader of Marvel's Conan comic, and I play Conan Exiles on Steam quite frequently. I haven't seen the film in a long time, so I'm excited to see if my opinion has changed now that I have a better knowledge of the character and the world he inhabits.
Story/Direction:
"Valor pleases you, Crom... so grant me one request. Grant me revenge! And if you do not listen, then to HELL with you!"
I must admit, the story here is a lot better than I remembered it. Sure, there's a healthy amount of 80s cheese thrown in, but overall, it's a solid yarn. The basic plot is pulled from several different Conan stories and some original material. There's nothing too groundbreaking as far as themes go. It's a standard tale of revenge, but the "twist" (if you can call it that) is that the film's heroes are not particularly good people. They're thieves and murders, but that's the case with most of Conan's world's inhabitants. There's no black or white; it's all greys.
Despite his character's general shitiness, the audience can still root for him (at least I did). This is partly because of Arnold's natural charm and because it's easy to sympathize with a character who has lost everything and built himself up using sheer strength and determination. I think that's why these stories have endured for as long as they have because Conan as a character is relatable, and that's not always an easy thing to pull off in the fantasy genre.
The plot itself moves along pretty quickly, with the first act depicting Conan's childhood following the tragedy of his parents' death. The second act focuses on "bringing the band together," so to speak, as Conan meets his companions Subotai and Valeria and gives us a look into their shared exploits. Finally, the third act focuses on the companions' assault on the Mountain of Power and the fallout thereafter. Milius keeps the story moving along at a brisk pace and uses both a narrator (Mako) and the montage to provide needed exposition and show the passage of time. All told, while the story is nothing revolutionary, it moves quickly and keeps the audience interested.
This may be where the film loses a bit of its sheen. Arnie has never been accused of being a good actor, and fortunately, like his turns in Terminator and Terminator 2, this was not a hindrance. Like the T-800, Conan is a relatively terse character and doesn't have too much to say at any given time. To be fair, this was very early in Schwarzenegger's career and, I think, the first movie in which his voice is not dubbed over. As a result, much of the acting is left to more experienced thespians such as Sandhal Bergman, Max von Sydow and...
James Earl Jones. Man, this cat can act. I grew up viewing him as merely the voice of Darth Vader, but as I got older and broadened my cinematic horizons, I began to realize how good of an actor he really is. His voice can somehow be soothing and fatherly like in The Lion King or in Clear and Present Danger, but it can also give off an air of menace like in this film. The thing I liked best about Jones's portrayal of Doom is he didn't go full B-Movie villain, which most lesser actors would have. Instead, he plays Doom as very quiet and thoughtful, with a noticeable arrogance. To me, that just ramped up the menace of the character. In my opinion, he is one of the best and probably least talked about villains of 80s movies.
As a fantasy film, Conan the Barbarian requires a fair amount of special effects. Of course, it is still several years before CGI would become prevalent, so Milius and the company were forced to rely on practical effects. Due to the film's age, the results are a bit of a mixed bag.
There are some things, like the excellent production design, that breathe life into Howard's world. However, some of the effects, such as Doom's transformation into a snake and Conan's fight with a giant snake, seem....rubbery. Do get me wrong, they are pretty good for the time, but that's the downfall of watching older movies like this; the iffy SFX tends to be more noticeable, especially in HD.
Score/Soundtrack:
Hot take: the music in this film, composed by the late Basil Poledouris, is one of the best in movie history. I don't know if I've ever heard a musical theme that better suits this character than the one Poledouris wrote for Conan. The combination of the deep drums and the high-pitched strings (I think they're strings...I don't know music that well) make for an epic piece of music. This may be one of my favorite movie scores of all time, and that's saying a lot. It's been a week, and I'm still whistling it absently. Fantastic.
There's a crap-load of action in this film, and it's done well for the most part. There are a plethora of fight scenes, including Conan's exploits in the gladiatorial pits and the assault on the temple of Set. The action is violent and bloody, which perfectly fits the tone of the film. There's also a decent chase scene in which a recently-freed Conan runs for his life from a pack of wild dogs. What makes this scene for good is that the dogs they got for the scene weren't particularly well-trained and were apparently trying to kill Schwarzenegger. Now that's commitment to a scene.
Final Verdict:
I like this film. I like it a lot. Whether that's because of my growing appreciation for the character or whether it's because it's a good movie, I'm not sure. I think it's a little from Column A and a little from Column B. Ah, who cares? It's fun to watch Conan kick ass. Check it out if you're a fan of Sword and Sorcery films or just dig Ahnold.
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